Valentine's Day: a cautionary tale
by GameOn
Summary: What happens when your romantic plans get wiped out at the last moment? Castle is hoping to make their first Valentine's together something special but fate is conspiring against him. So he improvises. Drums, an elephant and a loin cloth, you can't get more romantic than that. No spoilers for the episode.


"I'm sorry Mr. Castle but we have to cancel your dinner reservation," the man apologizes sincerely.

"No! You can't do that. It's Valentine's Day and I made that reservation weeks ago. Do you know how hard it's going to be to get new dinner reservations for Valentine's Day at the last minute?"

"I'm very sorry but it's literally beyond my control. The water pipes to the restaurant froze and burst during the recent blizzard. Until we can get the water restored the restaurant has to remain closed. Once we're open we would like to offer you a complimentary meal to make up from this inconvenience."

"Ok thanks," Castle mumbles before he ends the call. Through the blinds in the precinct break-room he can see Beckett doing paperwork at her desk. They closed the case this afternoon and she's finishing off her report to send to the DA's office.

Her brown hair is caught up in a loose bun; a few tendrils have already escaped their bonds. She's biting her bottom lip in a subconscious gesture; she does it when she's concentrating. It makes her look both beautiful and adorable at the same time. Kate would kill him for saying it but right now she reminds him of a kitten, so cute with fierce concentration.

The writer sighs, Beckett will no doubt be disappointed but she'll understand. They could have a quiet night in, a good bottle of wine and a roaring fire. That's romantic right?

"Castle?" Esposito calls out his name again when he doesn't initially respond. "Castle? Are you done hogging the coffee machine?"

"Yeah, I'm done. Sorry man." The writer shuffles out of the detective's way.

"You seem a little preoccupied bro. Is everything all right?" Ryan asks as he waits to fill his empty cup.

"It's only a small problem, no big deal. The restaurant just called and cancelled my reservation for tonight." Castle shrugs nonchalantly.

The partners exchange a look before Ryan goes to close the door. They don't want any prying ears to hear this conversation.

"Are you freaking kidding me bro?" Esposito is incredulous. "You do know what day it is, don't you?"

"It's only Valentine's day," the writer brushes off the date as if it were no big deal.

"It's only Valentine's Day," Ryan mocks him. "It's only the most romantically hyped day of the year. Women invented it so that they could hold it like a noose over their partner's head. You get it wrong and … ughh." He makes a choking sound as the imaginary noose tightens.

"Beckett's not like that, she'll understand," Castle shakes his head in denial. "I thought I could make us a special dinner at my place, open a nice bottle of wine, make it an evening at home."

"Sure you could do that but just expect the cold shoulder for the next month. An evening at home is the kind of thing you can do when you've been together for ages. Married couples with children and no babysitter are the ones who spend the night in. And even though Beckett is normally a rational person, there's something about Valentine's Day that makes all women go _loco_," Esposito offers his opinion.

"Kate isn't one for extravagant gestures. I know for a fact that last Valentine's she just had drinks with Josh after he finished being on call and she was totally fine with that." Castle points out an example to back up his argument.

"Oh really? And is she still with motorcycle boy?" Esposito asks rhetorically.

"Well, umm … no," Castle stammers. "But that has nothing to do with what Josh did or didn't do for Valentine's Day."

"I can't believe that you've been married twice and yet you still know so little about the female species," Esposito shakes his head sorrowfully. "Back me up here bro," he says to his partner.

Ryan jumps in like they're a tag team. "Castle, this is your first Valentine's Day as a couple. This is huge man. This is the standard by which all future events will be judged. If you don't think that Beckett is aware of this then you're fooling yourself. It's vital that you make a good impression."

"But don't set the bar too high," Javier butts in. "If it's too perfect then she's going to expect the same or even better next year. You'll just be setting yourself up for future failure."

"So it needs to be wonderful but not perfect?" Castle scoffs. "Do you know how ridiculous that sounds? Thanks for the advice but its ok. I think I know a little bit about women, more importantly I know Beckett."

"Is that so? Wasn't I the one who said that you should get Beckett a Christmas present regardless of what she said? You ignored my advice and look how well that went for you." Esposito smiles smugly.

"Hey that was different!" Rick protests. "She said no presents, how was I meant to know that she didn't actually mean it?"

"See what I mean Castle. Women … _loco_."

Castle stares out the glass at his girlfriend. She still looks adorable. Yeah right, about as adorable as a tiger right before it turns on its trainer and there's blood on the floor. Rick swallows nervously, he's up the creek and it's not just the paddle that he's missing but the whole freaking canoe as well.

"I'm in trouble aren't I?"

"Trouble with a capital T my friend," Ryan confirms it.

"What am I going to do? The only restaurant that's going to be free at this late stage on Valentine's Day is the one with the golden arches.

"Talk to Lanie," both detectives say it in unison.

* * *

A cup of coffee appears on her desk and Beckett looks up at her partner with an appreciative gaze. "Thanks Castle."

There's something wrong because the writer is looking a bit wild around the eyes, almost scared. "Is something the matter?" Kate asks him.

"No, no." he rushes to deny it. "Why would you say that?"

The brunette eyes him for a second before she shrugs. Rick hopes that he isn't sweating profusely, this must be how criminals feel being on the other side of the interrogation table from Detective Beckett.

"So I thought I might head off early today," he says casually. "You're just doing paperwork, nothing that you need my help on."

"Ok. So I'll see you later," Beckett lowers her voice. "I'm looking forward to tonight."

The writer gulps. "Umm, so am I," he says almost hesitantly.

"I've heard great reviews about that restaurant; I've been dying to eat there. I've already picked out what I'm having for the entrée."

"You have?" His smile is sickly as he contemplates the disastrous evening ahead. "Maybe you should be a bit flexible about that. You never know, you might see something else that you like even better." Oh god, she's already picked out her meal, his heart sinks.

"Castle, are you sure you're ok?" Kate asks again. There's definitely something going on with her boyfriend.

"I'm fine. I should really be going. See you later Beckett." He hightails it out of there.

Kate watches as he disappears into the elevator. Castle was fine just ten minutes earlier and now he's acting like he's got the devil on his tail. She takes a sip of her coffee and then looks over at Esposito and Ryan who are exiting the break-room. They were the last people to speak with Rick before he started acting weirdly and both male detectives are wearing overly innocent expressions as they saunter back to their desks. They know something.

* * *

"If Kate sent you here about the toxicology results on the Brigham case then you're wasting your time. It won't be back until tomorrow afternoon." Lanie looks up from her microscope to see Castle fidgeting nervously on the other side of her desk.

"No, I'm not here about that," Rick shakes his head. "I'm in trouble and I really need your help Lanie. Beckett is going to kill me."

"Have you cheated on her? I'd help her hide your body if that was the case."

"No, of course not," Castle looks shocked. "Why would you jump to that conclusion?"

"You sounded so panicked, so I thought of the worst case scenario." Lanie shrugs. She might be friends with both of them but the doc was friends with Kate long before Castle came onto the scene so there's no question about where her loyalties lay.

"It's only the second worst scenario, my dinner reservation for tonight have fallen through and I don't have a backup plan. Kate was really looking forward to going there; she's even picked out her meal already. It's meant to be a romantic night out and now I've got nothing. All the good restaurants are fully booked out."

"Oh boy, you are in trouble. Luckily for you, my young Padawan, you've come to the right woman for advice."

"Thank you Lanie, you're a lifesaver." Castle leans forward, ready to accept the doctor's pearls of wisdom.

* * *

Kate pats her hair to check that the antique lapis lazuli hairpins are still holding it in place before she knocks on the door of the loft. She glances down at her Armani cocktail dress, she spent way too much money on it but she couldn't resist the blue silk slip. Castle was going to explode when he got an eyeful of her in this exquisite creation and he just explode again when he got her out of it at the end of the night. Kate smiles at the thought.

The door opens a fraction and she sees a sliver of his face, but he doesn't open it any further.

"Hi Kate," he says nervously.

"Hey Castle." She quirks an eyebrow when he doesn't open the door any further. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," he opens the door further reluctantly.

The detective is a bit surprised by the sight on the other side. The only illumination is from dozens of candles that cover almost every surface of the lounge and there are rose petals scattered over the cream carpet. But the thing that surprises her is the fact that Castle isn't even dressed, he's still wearing this bathrobe.

"Am I early? I thought you said the reservations were for seven-thirty. Shouldn't you get dressed? I really don't want to miss dinner." Kate looks eager.

Castle swallows nervously, there's no getting out of this now. He'd been hoping for a last minute reprieve but the Titanic has sunk and there's not a lifeboat to be seen. Lanie had better be right that this was Kate's ultimate fantasy. This is the kind of thing that girlfriends tell each other, isn't it? There was only one way to find out.

He takes Beckett's hand and leads her to the couch. "Have a seat Kate."

She looks confused, Rick can be odd at times but this is strange even for him. She sits down. "What's going on Castle?"

"I'm so sorry, the restaurant cancelled. But I've got something planned that I hope will make up for that."

"Oh." Disappointment infuses that one syllable.

Rick stiffens his spine, he's going to give Kate the best Valentine's Day gift, even if he feels like a complete fool doing it. He flicks the stereo on with the remote and the sound of African drums plays through the speakers. The tribal beats are interspersed with various animal sounds; lions roaring, monkeys crying and the trumpeting of an elephant.

The writer loosens the belt of his robe and makes a production of letting the material slip from his shoulders. Rick is practically naked, stripped down to just a loin cloth, his chest oiled like a professional bodybuilder so that it gleams. He poses for a second to let her look and then he starts to move, gyrating his hips and shaking his moneymaker for all he's worth.

Left, left, right and then shimmy. Castle concentrates on the dance moves that he spent all afternoon learning. Over an hour of replaying the same two minute clip from _Magic Mike_ over and over again so he could get it down pat. He's concentrating so hard on remembering what comes next that he doesn't even pay any attention to Kate's reaction. Castle spins through the last rotation and for the finale slides onto his knees in front of her, leaning slightly backwards and crooks his finger in a come-here gesture.

He finally looks at her as he pants from the exertion, no wonder strippers look so good, it was hard work.

Beckett's shoulders are shaking and she has a hand stuffed over her mouth to muffle her laughter. Her phone clicks as she takes a photo of him as he continues to kneel there.

"Kate?"

The laughter breaks into loud cackles and the detective is clutching her sides because she's laughing so hard.

Rick flushes with embarrassment, this was meant to be Kate's ultimate romantic fantasy, or at least that's what Lanie said. It took a lot of quick talking from the M.E. to convince him to do this. Having his girlfriend laugh her head off wasn't quite the reaction that he was aiming for.

"Oh my gosh Castle, that photo is priceless."

He stands up, all indignant at her ongoing mirth. "Beckett, this was meant to be your fantasy."

Beckett laughs again because she just can't help it. "Did you really think that I have secret stripper Tarzan fantasies?"

"But Lanie said …" Suspicion starts to dawn on him at her devious smirk. "You set me up," he accuses her. "Lanie, the boys, even the restaurant canceling, that was all you wasn't it?"

Kate grins unrepentantly. "Do you remember last April Fools' day and that joke that you played on me?"

He smiles slightly at the memory. "I got you good."

"Yes and do you remember me saying that I'd get you back; you wouldn't even see it coming. Voilà." Kate gestures to the sight of him in his loin cloth.

"You are a devious woman Kate Beckett. Well played." He acknowledges the point.

"Thank you Castle. Now you'd better hurry up and get dressed. We've got half an hour to get to the restaurant."

"Ok, I'll be five minute." He starts walking to his bedroom.

"Rick?"

"Yes, what?" he looks back over his shoulder at her.

"Maybe you should wear that loin cloth later on tonight though." Kate bites her bottom lip. It was funny but she can't deny that some of his moves were definitely _interesting_.

"Whatever Jane want," he grunts in a caveman tone and with one last shake of his booty he walks out the room.


End file.
